all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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