It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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