It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
