I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
