hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
