mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
