My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
