My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize