she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
