I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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