remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
