My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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