guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
