Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
