So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize