I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish I only lived at night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
