I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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