this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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