sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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