i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
