I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
