two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is Oprah even human
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
