I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
