He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
