i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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