dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
