I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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