We won't sleep together?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
