I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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