Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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