Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
