I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
