I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
