Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
