I wish my penis had an off switch
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
