I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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