I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
