I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
