just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
