fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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