'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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