Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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