Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
