I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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