yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
