I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
