I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
