If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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