How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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