on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
