he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
