You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
