He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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