Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
