I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
