Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
