Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So squirting runs in the family.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
