I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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