The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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