If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
