I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
