thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Panties = found
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
