True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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